Have you ever felt like you are not part of the family you are in?
How do we love ourselves when we do not feel loved or wanted by those who brought us to this world?
Everyone at some point, especially during our youth, has faced situations where we feel unloved, unwanted and unaccepted. We at different points in our lives could form very negative ideas about our parents. In our society, often times, young couples have babies without much knowledge or experience in parenting. For many babies, the most common noises that they are exposed to are those of their parents yelling insults to each other; way before they learn to walk, they have already been exposed to abuse.
Many mothers, in times of great stress, caused by poverty or abandonment by their partners, have cursed the fruit of their wombs, and this affects many children, even in adulthood. Nothing causes more pain than feeling that the most important people in our lives - our parents - do not love us. Nothing causes more resentment, bitterness and depression than feeling that nothing we do can win the love of our parents.
Many young people are prone to fits of anger and violent outbursts because they feel their mother or father prefer their romantic interests or even another sibling over themselves. Young people often feel displaced by friends that their parents would rather hang out with, or by their parents drinking or other addictions.
I first wrote this article in Spanish, and over the years, I was amazed about how many young people identified with it. I have received hundreds of comments from young people of different ages stating their suffering, their desperation and isolation brought about by those feelings of abandonment and neglect from their parents. Often times, the question they have is, "How can we find courage to live productive lives when those we love do not expect anything good from us?"
The Bible tells a story that I'm sure will provide encouragement to us; Genesis 35:17-19.
This is the story of a woman name Rachel who died while struggling to give birth to her son. She had a very difficult delivery, with such pain that in her last words, she decided to call her son Ben-oni, which means "son of my sorrow." Imagine growing up with a name like that. Imagine being known by everyone in your school, the place you live, your soccer of baseball team as "Son of sorrow" because you caused the death of your own mother.
Thankfully for this baby, his father was there and immediately changed his name from Ben-oni, son of sorrow, to Benjamin, which means "son of my right hand." Hardship and pain had caused that mother to call the fruit of her womb a name that reflected her suffering, rather than her hope. This mother wasn't thinking about this baby's future - she was focused on the pain she was experiencing, but the baby’' father wouldn't let this happen. He saw the baby and rather than focusing on his loss, he decided to focus on his gain and called his baby "Son of my right hand."
This story we've read is thousands of years old, but it is repeated again and again in homes devastated by poverty, ignorance, irresponsibility and vices. Often times, men and women filled with bitterness because they had thoughtlessly fell for a man or a woman who didn’t love them, see their children as a reminder of their past and as a source of pain and suffering. Rather than seeing their children as a ray of hope and a source of love, they insult them and call them names that don't reflect at all how God our father see them.
The book of Psalms 27:10 (NIV) says: "Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me."
Without a doubt, the pain of rejection is real. The lack of acceptance and love can make us weep to the point of wishing to die. One can often question God about why were we born. The emotional pain can cause many to follow the wrong path to self-destruction or fall pry of one bad relationship to another. But today, I want to tell you that although you feel alone in this world, even when you feel that no one loves you and the whole world doesn't care that you exist, God knows you and He knows your pain. God wants you to come to know him and He wants to be that mother or father who has not cared for you.
I know how difficult it is to even imagine that someone will actually care about our hurts and pain. I know how difficult it is when we are feeling lonely to believe that God can be anywhere near us. I know how difficult it is to believe that we could be loved by someone else when those people we were supposed to be the most important to don’t seem to care about us, but God does. God will not leave us not forsake us. I once read in a commentary that this word means that God will not leave and neither let us go; He will be there by our side, even in the days and times when don't want Him. He is a faithful friend. The first and most important thing to begin the journey of freedom is to forgive our parents. But it is not easy to forgive if we are focused only in our present circumstances - that is why we need God to give us hope.
In reading the stories of those young people who have sent me comments about their own experiences, I have come to realize something I didn't know when I was going through my own bad experience -I am not the only one who has experienced rejection. I am not the only one who has felt rejected or unloved. In fact, it is more prevalent than I never imagined. It seems that it is very much part of growing up. Now that I have my own children, I can see how often my wife or I have inadvertently said or done things that one our kids didn't think was fair, but after a few loving words, everybody was happy again.
Give God a chance, and let him love you today! Give God a chance.
Union City Corps
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